I have a theory that I’ve been working on for a couple of years whose basic premise is that people shouldn’t be held responsible for the poor decisions they make between the ages of, say, sixteen and twenty-three. Maybe thirty, depending on the person.This theory came to mind again recently after writing my post about Sybaris, the “romantic” retreat known for its rooms containing abundant mirrors, swimming pools, waterfalls, and carpet from the 1980s.(Before I go any further, I should point out that Sybaris has outstanding reviews from TripAdvisor, and Yelp, and that they've got some fabulous gift certificate deals on their website!)A couple of days after my post, I received the following message:
Hi, Brett. My name's Christine and I'm a fellow CN blogger. I saw your post about the Sybaris and couldn't help laughing to myself about an escapade I had in high school there.
Now, I’ve never been to Sybaris (by the way, Sybaris is like Ukraine and Netherlands to me, I never know if there should be a “the” before it), but I’ve been in high school. So I think I’m rather well-qualified to say that Sybaris and high school are words that probably shouldn’t be used together.But if a comrade from ChicagoNow (Christine Wolf by name, Riding the Waves by blog name) was willing to tell her story, then I couldn’t wait to hear it. So we setup a time to talk.In my conversation with Christine, and as I’ve read the good work she does on her blog, she didn’t strike me as a miscreant. However, I can’t think of anything much more miscreantish (or maybe more fairly, mischievous) than a high schooler going to Sybaris.And then Christine upped the ante!Although she was eighteen, Christine also casually mentioned, "I can't speak for my boyfriend at the time. Or my girlfriend and her boyfriend. The four of us went together."Hold the phone! Four high schoolers went to Sybaris together? You’ll know from my previous post that Sybaris has a strict two-people-only policy. So how’d they pull that off?"The creepy guy behind the counter actually let us book a room for 2 hours. We paid cash." Of course. The answer—as it usually does—revolves around a creepy guy behind the counter! (Although it could be that people like Christine and her friends ruined it for the rest of us by stuffing four people into a room!)I expressed my alarm to Christine during our conversation, and she assured me that she was coming forward simply out of concerns for others.
Listen, I'm the mother of teenagers now. That's why I'm writing to you. Teenagers do the sneakiest things, and I'm pulling the mildewy shower curtain back on how The Sybaris used to operate. I'm glad to hear they've added even more chlorine to their best practices. Though I have to say, the twirly slide was pretty fun.
Yes, they sprang for a room with a twirly slide, which only makes sense. I mean if you’re going to have a room with a pool, you might as well have a slide, right? What else was in the room, Christine?
There was just a pool and our own little jacuzzi, all surrounded by carpet. Oh, and there was also a bathroom, though I remember we all wondered how many people actually used it.
You’ll notice that she didn’t mention a particular piece of furniture that most people associate with Sybaris…a bed! Their room didn’t have a bed or a fireplace. What kind of romantic rendezvous spot doesn’t have a bed? Although Christine says that she and her friends were “immature jerks” and the only thing they “talked about beforehand was the slide,” most people probably go to the Sybaris with the reasonable expectation of a bed in the room.With no bed, the question remains: Where does the main “business” of the Sybaris take place in that room? On carpet so gross that Christine gagged while just thinking about it nineteen years after she saw it? My wife correctly pointed out that not even hookers would conduct business on that carpet!So if the main reason Christine and her friends wanted to go to Sybaris was because they were “midwestern kids from the northwest suburbs” who just got tired of “hanging out at the local movie theater” and had “already maxed out on the roller-rinks, the bowling alleys, the movie theaters, the church lock-ins,” then how’d their boyfriends talk them into making the leap to the Sybaris?Oh wait, they didn’t.
“Um....it was my idea. My parents were divorced and my biological father lived in Downers Grove. Whenever we visited him on weekends, we'd pass this place called The Sybaris. It was across the street from a Portillo's. I loved that Portillo's.”
A Sybaris near a Portillo’s. Two places that make money off of sausage!
Never mind. Back to the story.Christine and her friend “were very into surprising our guys back then,” and she remembers the evening engagement as “an end-of-season, post-football game surprise or a Valentine's Day weekend surprise or a Sweetest Day surprise.”Speaking as a former eighteen-year-old guy, I’m sure that the football player boyfriends were quite psyched for such a surprise! I’d love to hear the version of events they’ve been telling all these years.Hopefully they appreciate the work that Christine and her friend had to put into planning such shenanigans.
“My friend and I were waitresses at our local Baker's Square (loved the cauliflower soup, btw) and we used about 3 weeks' worth of tips to cover our expenses. Our earnings only allowed a two-hour surprise.”
So if you ate at Baker’s Square back in the mid-eighties, now you know that your tip money went to fund a bunch of high school high jinks. I hope you’re happy.You should know by now that Christine turned out just fine. I don’t know it for a fact, but I assume that this incident wasn’t part of a larger pattern of delinquent behavior in her teen years. I mean, she was president of the National Honor Society at her school!Since she satisfied my curiosity about what a trip to Sybaris is like, without me having to actually go there and risk getting some sort of fungus, illness or VD, I’ll let her have the last words.
Glad to share my special memory with you and anyone else (hi, Mom, hey, Dad! This wasn't your fault! I totally lied to you about where we were going and now I'll be a better parent with my own teenagers because of it) reading this post. Look, I just hope kids make wise choices these days: If they choose to go to the Sybaris, they NEED to wear flip flops and it's essential to bring some Lysol wipes. There's always a Costco around somewhere. They've got good deals on goggles, too. Wish I'd thought of those...
Read Christine's latest post with the full text of our conversation here!PREVIOUS POST: Winning in Youth Sports Shouldn't MatterIF YOU LIKED THIS POST I BET YOU'LL ALSO LIKE: In Online Dating, Beware of Ax Murders+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++Hey, did you like reading this? If so, you should Share it on Facebook so you can bring joy to others. You can also find tons of other posts by me here. And you can like my Facebook page, Brett Baker Writes. Please.
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