What’s the dumbest thing you’ve ever done?If you’re anything like me, that’s probably not an easy question to answer. I’ve done a good number of dumb things in my life, and choosing just one might be impossible.But generally speaking, on the hierarchy of dumbness (I wonder if using a word like dumbness says anything about where I fall on that hierarchy) going out on a date with someone you met online is often thought to be near the top.I mean who goes looking for love (or worse) online?Ax murderers, that’s who. Men who are looking for unsuspecting women they can charm and lull into a false sense of security right before they chop her into six thousand little pieces. I saw it on TV once. Or maybe I read it in a book. I don’t remember.
Either way, it’s best to stay away from ax murderers.However, the main problem with that line of thinking is that it’s just not true. Most people looking for love online probably aren’t ax murderers. Some are. And if you happen to run into one, then I suppose you owe me a big fat “I told you so,” but for the most part I don’t think you’re any more likely to meet an ax murderer online than you are in public.Fifteen years ago I was an ax murderer.At least that’s what one woman thought. That’s why she put me off for six months.It started in June 1999. As far as I know this was before match.com and eharmony. And Facebook was still half a decade away from being birthed in Mark Zuckerberg’s mind. I’m not even sure if anyone was blogging back then. (Well except for me. I “blogged” by sending my “posts” through e-mail to friends and strangers. I think most people probably deleted the e-mails without opening them.)Anyway, back then if you wanted to meet a special lady online there was no substitute for AOL. That distinct buzz-ding-chirp-static noise of a dial-up connection used to send a chill up my spine as I waited to see who was online and ready to chat. AOL had this tool called People Finder, which was basically a creeper’s dream. Enter search terms and AOL would return users who fit those terms.Hell yeah!If fate and good luck cooperated, then it was possible to meet some pretty awesome people that way. And when I began chatting on AOL with a woman that summer, I thought she was super awesome.And in the miniscule mind of a twenty-one-year-old guy, talking to a super awesome woman on AOL means that he must meet the woman as soon as possible. Reality is online, so make online reality.Never mind the questions, the mystery, the unknown. Go full steam ahead. Ignore even the most basic opportunities for deception. Don’t ask questions like “Is this super awesome woman really a woman, or is this some hairy, old dude from Boise named Vern?”All of that stuff will work itself out. Best to just get on with it.Luckily, twenty-one-year-old women are smarter than twenty-one-year-old men. They ask questions like, “Is this guy an ax murderer?” And even though the answer is unequivocally no (I’m not sure I could swing an ax and hit my intended target!), the important thing is that the question is asked in the first place.A little caution goes a long way.So for the next six months I worked on convincing the super awesome woman that I wasn’t an ax murderer. Although she never specifically came out and asked me the question, I think she somehow deduced the truth from our conversations. I don’t know how she did that. Woman magic, I suppose.Perhaps my best quality is persistence. It can be annoying sometimes, but often it pays off, just like it did with the super awesome woman. I was like the Colorado River and she was the Grand Canyon. (My worse quality is horrific analogies.) And instead of taking millions of years to wear her down, it only took six months.And probably sixty-four dozen conversations containing the phrase, “When are we going to meet?”But fifteen years ago at this very moment we were on our first date. It went well. I liked her. She tolerated me. Then she grew to like me.Yesterday we celebrated our eleventh wedding anniversary.And as far as I know, neither of us are ax murderers.PREVIOUS POST: Why We Should Run Everywhere, All the TimeIF YOU LIKED THIS POST I BET YOU'LL ALSO LIKE: That Time my Parents Thought I was Kidnapped+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++Hey, did you like reading this? If so, you should Share it on Facebook so you can bring joy to others. You can also find tons of other posts by me here. And you can like my Facebook page, Brett Baker Writes. Please.
Want an e-mail every time I write something new? Type your email address in the box and click the "create subscription" button. I'm not going to send you a bunch of junk, and you can ditch me any time you want.