Observations on Returning to Wrigley Field After a Four-Year Absence

Despite all of the money that the Cubs have poured into Wrigley Field to make it a more modern park, with more comfortable amenities to help continue to draw fans, until Wednesday I hadn’t seen the “new” Wrigley Field.My absence hadn’t been based on moral grounds, or any strenuous objection to the changes that have been made the past few years. I don’t have a good reason for not going. Life gets busy and complicated and it goes by fast, and before I knew it I hadn’t been at Wrigley since Ryno the Rhino Build-a-Bear day on June 23, 2013.Things have changed in four years.First, the Cubs are World Series Champions. That still seems a little odd to me, but in a good way. At one point I looked out toward center field from our seats in row 17 of section 228, and saw some flags where there never used to be flags before. It took me a few seconds before I realized that those were symbols of postseason success.Wow!Most of the changes I noticed didn’t drastically change the feel of the ballpark, but they just sort of looked odd. It’s like when someone has always had messed up teeth, and then one day they get veneers or false teeth. They don’t look bad, and the new teeth probably don’t really change your opinion of them, but you can’t stop staring at the teeth because it’s not the image you’ve known for so long.I won’t spend many words on the big changes. The video screen is big. The board in right field is less big. The advertisements are big. It’s weird not seeing the bullpens.I’ll spend even fewer words on concessions. It’s expensive. No surprise.The more interesting changes to me are the subtle things that have changed, and a couple that I thought changed, but haven’t. Or maybe they’ve just changed back.First, the bathrooms. I went into two different men’s rooms and I couldn’t believe how clean they were. They’d obviously been remodeled, and although pee troughs are still there, these aren’t the pee troughs of yore. Is it possible to design nice pee troughs? If so, that’s what Sloan, the company that seems to have outfitted the bathroom with every fixture, (and is also a sponsor on Cubs radio) seems to have done.The old troughs looked like they’d been there since the ballpark opened in 1914. And they sometimes smelled like it, too. But these new troughs look almost modern. Or at least as modern as a bunch of men huddled together and peeing into the same trough can seem.Gone are the circular sinks which required stepping on a lever at the bottom to turn on the fountain of water. I loved those things. (Side note: When I was a kid back in the 1980s, my dad peed in one of those sinks, mistaking its purpose. But really, if everyone accepts old, stinky troughs in which pools of urine collect until they’re flushed, aren’t all bets off anyway?)The bathrooms smell clean now. There’s got to be some device that’s pumping Febreze into the air. And the sinks are individual, motion censored, and situated next to motion censored soap dispensers. Wrigley bathrooms have yuppified.When I was a kid I loved getting a scorecard and trying to keep score. Inevitably, I’d end up having to go to the bathroom in the third inning, and I’d miss some action, which would result in a screwed up scorecard. Often I’d hang out near the players parking lot after the game to have someone sign more scorecard. Mark Grace (his autograph looked like it said Mr Jose), Dwight Smith (he had wipers on the headlights of his Mercedes, which I thought was awesome), and Doug Dascenzo were among the players who signed.At some point they stopped selling scorecards. Instead they incorporated them into an overpriced program. Gone was the familiar refrain from some cantankerous old guy: “Programs! Scorecards! Yearbooks!”So I was entirely too excited to discover that scorecards have returned. They’re almost exactly how I remember them, and for $1.50 they’re a steal! Throw in a $.50 pencil, and you’re good to go. As always, I missed a couple of plays for concession runs and bathroom breaks, but I’m pretty damn happy to have a scorecard!I love watching the grounds crew get the field ready before the game. One of the things I always looked forward to was watching them put down the foul lines. Two men would carry a long chalk box, put it on the ground, pound on the box simultaneously, move it down ten feet, and repeat the process. A perfectly straight, bright white line remained.The chalk box has disappeared. Instead the lines are painted on now. The box looks the same, but instead of pounding on the box, a guy uses a can to paint the line. I’m sure there’s a good reason for this, and it’s rather insignificant in the grand scheme, but I enjoyed the chalk box.But some of the best things—and the smallest things—still remain.My son had to lean in his seat to see around the section 228 support post. Otherwise he couldn’t see the pitcher. The ivy looks great. The centerfield scoreboard is gorgeous. Some of the vendors are entertaining.My favorite small, on-the-field moment of the day came on a foul ball. I can’t remember who was hitting, but he fouled one off the wall behind third base, and the ball caromed back toward third, landing in between C.B. Bucknor, the third base umpire, and Kris Bryant, the Cubs star third basemen. Bryant took a step toward it, but it was closer to Bucknor, so he picked it up. Then he tossed it to Bryant, who then threw it to a kid in the first row. Bucknor obviously knew that it would mean more to a fan to get the ball from Bryant than from him.Three of my kids came with me, and sitting with them in the stands on a perfect summer afternoon was worth a four-year wait.Wasn't that well-written and fun to read? You should subscribe to my blog and we'll send you an e-mail every time I write a new one. Type your email address in the box and click the "create subscription" button. My list is completely spam free, and you can opt out at any time.

IF YOU LIKED THIS POST I BET YOU'LL ALSO LIKE: Moving the Wrigley Field Bullpens is a MistakePREVIOUS POST: Pokemon North American International Championships notes from a Novice

Pokemon North American International Championships notes from a Novice

If you’re like me, the Pokémon North American International Championships snuck up on you this year. Somehow I’d forgotten to mark the event on my calendar. Perhaps I forgot because I don’t know the first damn thing about Pokémon.On the other hand, my son is an expert. At least in comparison to me. I’ve listened to him speak with excitement about Pokémon characters and games for years. I’ve engaged him a few times, but none of it ever makes sense to me, so I’ve become content with ignorance.Although he’s an expert, my son didn’t find out about the Championships until Friday, the first of three days on which they were scheduled in Indianapolis. After a bit of pleading, he convinced me to take him to Indianapolis Sunday morning for the final day.I had no idea what to expect, and after spending an entire day immersed in the world of Pokémon, I still have no idea what I saw. But I want you to understand as much as I do, so I’ll explain the whole thing as best I can.Pokémon started as a video game in which players choose unique characters (some of which have special powers) to battle each other in one-on-one games. A card game based on the same idea soon followed. A cartoon began after that. Last year was the 20th anniversary of the release of the first Pokémon video game.I suspect there’s no such thing as a casual Pokémon fan. The game has so many characters, with so many attributes and special powers that a player must dive deeply to familiarize themselves with it all. Partial knowledge of Pokémon is worthless.We attended Championship Sunday, which is exactly what it sounds like: the day Championships are decided. There are two different games: the card game and the video game. And there are different levels within each of those games: Junior, Senior, and Master.We left early Sunday morning and drove to Indy. (Side note: I parked on a city street right next to the convention center, which is downtown. I went to the pay box to pay, and saw a notice that said parking is free on Sunday. I love small cities!) We walked into the convention center and picked up our spectator passes. The lady who gave them to us said we just made it. I don’t know what she meant.Inside the convention hall large banners depicting various characters hung from the ceiling, and a giant inflatable Pikachu—probably the best-known Pokémon—hovered over the entire scene. Throughout the room players sat across from each other to play side games, and in front of television screens in video game matchups.After walking around for a few minutes, I noticed a large group of people sitting near the back of the room, and three large screens. We made our way back just in time to watch the last game of the Master-level card game Championship. When I realized that all of these people—there were probably at least 500 people—were watching two adults play a card game in which they battled with fictitious characters, I turned to my son and said, “Everyone’s just watching them play?”“Yep,” he said, as if it made complete sense.“Do you want to find a place to sit so we can watch?”“Sure!”So we found an empty table off to the side, and watched one of the big screens, which showed an above-the-table view of the action, as well as an under-the-table view so we could see which cards were face down.Two announcers provided play-by-play and analysis of the game. We watched the final game of the Master-level card championship, and all three levels of the video game championship, and various announcers called each game. I have no idea how they found so many people who not only were talented broadcasters, but also possessed enough knowledge about Pokémon to dissect and explain the game as it happened. I never caught on to what the heck they were talking about, but they sure seemed to know their stuff, and they sounded great to me.The crowd amazed me even more than the announcers. At one point one of the card players picked up a stack of cards, took five or six from the top, and the crowd erupted. I had no idea what happened. The announcer pointed out that the player had picked up a valuable card that would let him complete some move. Then the crowd’s excitement made sense.As the game approached its conclusion, the crowd began to buzz until one of the players, a Norwegian, displayed a certain card, which sent the announcers and the crowd into a frenzy and earned the Norwegian the Master-level championship.And I had no idea what happened. I felt like the person at the baseball game who sees a player hit a homerun, and sees the crowd cheering, but has no idea what’s so great about a homerun.I couldn’t believe the number of high school, and college-aged people there. I expected the crowd to lean young, closer to my son’s twelve years, but the average age was probably almost ten years older than that. And these were serious players. Although they were all good sports, they took the game seriously, and possessed great focus.We stuck around until the last championship match, which seemed like a thrilling outcome in which the winner had been on the verge of almost-certain defeat seconds before the end of the match, when something changed and he won. The crowd went wild, the announcers cheered, and I sat there looking at my son, wondering what the heck just happened.At the end of the day I’m no wiser about Pokémon than I was at the beginning of the day. There are 801 different Pokémon. My son can name every single one of them, which just amazes me, especially since they have difficult, made up names like Bulbasaur, Mewtwo, and Eevee. I recognize their names, but nothing beyond that.But I don’t mind. I’m not going to spend the time to learn the game. My son enjoys it enough for both of us. He was more excited to go to the Pokémon championships than you’ve been about anything this year. So even though none of it made sense, I can’t wait to go back next year!Wasn't that well-written and fun to read? You should subscribe to my blog and we'll send you an e-mail every time I write a new one. Type your email address in the box and click the "create subscription" button. My list is completely spam free, and you can opt out at any time.

IF YOU LIKED THIS POST I BET YOU'LL ALSO LIKE: Celebrating My Son's Enthusiasm on His 12th BirthdayPREVIOUS POST: How I Decided Against a Career in Politics

How I Decided Against a Career in Politics

It always seems crazy to me that we expect kids to choose what they want to do for the rest of their lives right after they finish high school. Most kids haven’t had enough life experience to know who they are, yet we assume that they know enough about themselves and the world to commit to a field of study that may well set the course of their lives.Craziness.When I graduated high school I had no idea what I wanted to study in college. I worked very hard in high school, and didn’t feel like putting forth any more effort. In the five years that I spent in college I majored in sports administration, business administration, English, and communications, before settling on history.I didn’t even begin writing for pleasure until I turned 19.So I had no idea what I wanted to do.However, thanks to an experience I had during the summer after my junior year in high school, I knew one field that I did not want to enter: politics.During my junior year in high school I was accepted to a program (I can’t remember the name of it!) that sent me to Georgetown University for three weeks in July. During those intense three weeks students complete an entire year of a college-level government and politics course, spend the evening participating in formal debates with other students, and in between attend meetings and seminars with policymakers in Washington, DC.It sounded like a great opportunity. I was excited. I’d been interested in politics and government for as long as I could remember. I’d visited Washington, DC in eighth grade and savored the thought of going there and meeting important people.I left on Sunday, July 9, told my parents I’d see them in three weeks, and flew to Washington, DC. On the bus ride from the airport I talked to other students about where they from, what issues concerned them, and what they planned to do after high school. I went to my dorm room, met Bill, the student I’d live with for the next three weeks, and a few other kids. I told a couple of them I planned to return to Georgetown someday as President of the United States.And I was serious.But after an introductory gathering, and a dinner, we all returned to our rooms to begin reading in preparation for the first class the next day, and a funny thing happened.I hated it.It was summer in DC. The temperature was ninety degrees. I didn’t want to spend the evening reading. I wanted to explore. Hang out. Talk. As interested as I was in government, I didn’t want to waste a perfectly good summer night reading about it.I thought maybe I just needed to get into the swing of it since I’d been out of school for a month, so I put my nose to the grindstone and did what I needed to do. But things weren’t better Monday. We had two four-hour sessions in the classroom, followed by a speaker later that night. We finished late, around nine o’clock, and then I had to go back to my room and read pages and pages and pages to get ready for the next day’s class.It was still summer.The next day should have been fun. We went to Capitol Hill after morning class, and listened to a speaker. I was antsy. Afterward, we were given appointment times with our congressman. One other kid lived in my congressional district, and since we had a couple of hours to kill before our appointment, we went to lunch. He spoke with a deep, serious knowledge of policy issues. I said I envied the kid from California whose congressman was Sonny Bono.We met our congressman. He said he had something candid to share with us. He was getting burnt out by politics and Washington, and that term in congress would be his last. Then we took our picture together in front of the Capitol, talked a bit more on the Capitol steps, and off we went back to our dorms in Georgetown.On the bus ride back to campus, I thought, “What the hell am I doing here? This sucks.” I didn’t want to read. I didn’t want to go to class. The speakers bored me. The other students seemed completely focused on politics to the detriment of everything else, and my congressman basically told me that his job sucks.I decided on the bus that I was going to leave.Actually, I just remembered that before we went back to campus we went to a mall to eat. Some multi-story mall with tons of selections. While eating I told some of the other students that I was going to leave. They were dumbfounded. All but two. One guy said he understood why I wanted to leave, and a girl said she wanted to leave, too, but she knew that her parents wouldn’t let her.When we got back to the dorms all the guys on my floor gathered to watch the baseball all-star game on television. I don’t remember anything about it because the entire time I was thinking, “I have to tell our resident head—some college kid—that I’m leaving in the morning.”After the game that’s what I did.He asked me why I wanted to leave. I explained it. Then he sat and talked to me for a long time. Asked me what I thought about a whole bunch of issues. What I wanted to do with my life. It was a nice conversation. Then he told me to sleep on it, maybe I’d change my mind. I told him I’d already made up my mind and changed my plane ticket. I was leaving the next morning.The next morning he and another guy, the director of the program, I think, drove me to Dulles Airport. We arrived very early. The other guy suggested we get breakfast, so we sat in an airport restaurant and talked. He told me I was wasting an opportunity. That I should give it a try, stick it out. Reminded me of how many politicians had come through this program.The dude was relentless. I remember thinking at one point, “This guy’s not going to let me get on the plane.”In the end, he let me go. Of course he had no choice. My parents supported my decision, so it’s not like he could just hold me against my will.I returned to O’Hare and my dad and sister were there to pick me up. I was about 105 degrees outside and we drove home and went to a hot dog place for a late lunch. It was fantastic.I don’t regret leaving. It’s clear to me now, just as it was then, that I’m not cutout for politics. I’d suck at fundraising. I’d suck at glad-handing. I’d suck at pretending I cared about idiotic issues. I’d spend too much time in DC doing touristy stuff.If I stayed, I don’t know what would have happened. Maybe I would have been sucked in by the bullshit, and launched a career in politics. I should see what the other kid from my district ended up doing. I bet he went into politics. I’m glad I didn’t.Oh, by the way, that congressman I met 22 years ago, who told me he was burnt out and would leave at the end of his term: he’s still in office, holding the same seat, uninterrupted all these years.This post was written for Blogapalooz-hour, ChicagoNow's community writing exercise in which we're given a prompt and one hour to produce a post based on that prompt. Tonight's prompt: "Write about a decision you made that changed the course of your life for better or worse."Wasn't that well-written and fun to read? You should subscribe to my blog and we'll send you an e-mail every time I write a new one. Type your email address in the box and click the "create subscription" button. My list is completely spam free, and you can opt out at any time.

IF YOU LIKED THIS POST I BET YOU'LL ALSO LIKE: Trump's Recount Objection is Consistent with his Disdain for FactsPREVIOUS POST: NBC's Alex Jones Interview Should Air With This Disclaimer

NBC's Alex Jones Interview Should Air With This Disclaimer

Megyn Kelly left Fox News—that den of “Fair and Balanced” reporting that has recently pushed disproven stories such as the Seth Rich murder conspiracy, and the idea that Barack Obama wiretapped Donald Trump’s office—for greener pastures at NBC.Unfortunately, Ms. Kelly’s move does not seem to have given her the ability to distill fact from fiction—a quality entirely lacking at Fox News.She is gaining a lot of exposure over the past few days because she has conducted an interview with Alex Jones, which will air on Father’s Day, Sunday night. Many groups are asking NBC not to air the interview.I support Ms. Kelly’s interview, as long as she provides context. To present Alex Jones as a journalist or an expert simply because the incompetent, idiotic, imbecilic Neanderthal now serving as our president showed an unsurprising lack of good judgment and appeared on his show, is to ignore the damage that Jones and his website, Infowars.com, have inflicted on this country and its citizens.If NBC and Kelly want to air this interview, then I propose that at the beginning and end of every single segment they provide the following disclaimer:Alex Jones is a liar whose thoughts are not based on reality. He is a showman, a snake oil salesman, and a man not worthy of trust.He is the founder of Infowars.com. Mr. Jones and his website have a long history of promoting discredited conspiracy theories, and presenting as fact claims that are demonstrably false.Alex Jones asserts that the federal government carried out the Oklahoma City bombing in 1995.Jones has pushed the theory that the American government helped perpetrate 9/11.Jones has claimed that the Aurora, Colorado movie theater shootings were staged.Jones asserts that the Boston Marathon bombings were a false flag operation, carried out by the U.S. government as an excuse “sell the police state.”Jones has claimed that the BP oil spill was a false flag.Jones helped push Pizzagate, a discredited theory that American politicians are involved in a pedophile ring.Jones has claimed that the U.S. government is building FEMA camps around the country in which it plans to imprison U.S. citizens.Jones has pushed a theory that Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama have a persistent smell of sulfur around them, and that this suggests they are demons.Jones has said that the reason there are “so many gay people” is a result of a government-run chemical warfare operation intended to prevent people from having children.Jones has suggested that vaccines are part of a plot to see how many people “they” can kill.Jones believes that contrails in the sky from airplanes are part of a worldwide conspiracy to poison the general population.Alex Jones said this about the shootings at Sandy Hook, in which 20 children were murdered: “The whole thing is a giant hoax…. The general public doesn’t know the school was actually closed the year before.” He has claimed the shootings involved actors, and said, “I don’t know if kids really got killed,” at Sandy Hook.During a recent custody trial, Alex Jones’s personal lawyer argued that Jones is a “performance artist,” and is “playing a character.”Alex Jones tells lies and wants people to believe they are true. Thousands of U.S. citizens believe what he says. He is a danger to his followers.If we are to believe his lawyer, Jones doesn’t believe his own lies. He’s a performance artist.However, regardless of whether he believes the things that he says, many people do believe what he says. And it is reckless of NBC News to provide a platform to him without ensuring that every single viewer understands how outlandish his claims are, and the fact that his own attorney argued that he shouldn’t be taken seriously.America will be much better if everyone realizes that we should not believe one single word written or spoken by Mr. Jones.Wasn't that well-written and fun to read? You should subscribe to my blog and we'll send you an e-mail every time I write a new one. Type your email address in the box and click the "create subscription" button. My list is completely spam free, and you can opt out at any time.

IF YOU LIKED THIS POST I BET YOU'LL ALSO LIKE: Trump's Recount Objection is Consistent with his Disdain for FactsPREVIOUS POST: Bad News Bears is the Perfect Movie for Little League Kids and Parents

Bad News Bears is the Perfect Movie for Little League Kids and Parents

I’m currently managing my tenth Little League team. We’re 1-10 this year, and we had one game that ended in a tie. Those ten losses are a bit deceiving. We’ve lost a couple of games by one run, and played a couple of more where we mounted a comeback at the end. We’re not as bad as our record indicates.Although we lost our last game 17-1, so maybe we are as bad as our record. With six games to go I’d like to say we could finish 7-10, but I’m not holding my breath.Last night I watched Bad News Bears with my kids. The classic one with Walter Mathau, not the Billy Bob Thornton one. I’ll believe Billy Bob as a drunk Santa. I draw the line at believing he’d ever coach baseball.The film takes place in 1976 and centers on a group of rag tag kids and their gruff, drunk, but basically good-hearted manager, Buttermaker, who’s played by Mathau. I’ve seen the movie at least half a dozen times in my life, but not since 2012. I was surprised by how much I didn’t remember.My kids loved it. I loved it.And although I doubt it’s representative of most Little League teams at that time, it is interesting to compare that era of youth baseball with the era in which I played Little League (the late 80s and early 90s), and with Little League baseball today.The way the kids dressed struck me right away. During practice there are no baseball pants or basketball warmups, or even gym shorts. These kids are playing baseball in blue jeans and corduroy pants. I remember doing so a few times when I was a kid, but I think that was the tail end of that era.Everything’s more specialized and custom today. None of the Bears strapped equipment bags to their backs to carry their glove, helmet, bat, batting gloves, and cleats (because apparently cleats are now so uncomfortable that kids need to wear sandals to the field and only wear the cleats when necessary).And they definitely didn’t have a bag with wheels that they could drag behind them.I suspect the idea of each kid having their own helmet and bat would have seemed ridiculous to the Bears.That’s not all that’s different from then to now though.Buttermaker constantly has beer in the dugout, and during one practice he drinks so much that he passes out next to the pitcher’s mound, prompting one kid to say, “I think he’s dead!” To which another responds, “He’s not dead, he’s drunk!”After the final game of the season Buttermaker gives each kid a beer. One of the parents says something like, “You can’t give kids beer,” but pushes it no further when Buttermaker shows he doesn’t care what the man says. A Little League coach who handed beer to kids in the dugout today would literally be a national story!That does remind me of a similarity between my own Little League experience, and the Bad News Bears though.In the film, the managers have to find their own team sponsors to pay for the uniforms. (Incidentally, I think this is a great idea!) While some teams are sponsored by Pizza Hut or Kentucky Fried Chicken, Buttermaker secures a sponsorship from Chico’s Bail Bonds.When I was ten years old our team sponsor was Dunes Den, which was a hole-in-the-wall tavern. We wore maroon hats that read Dunes Den on them. I wish I still had one of those hats.We finished in second place that year and got a trophy. My dad was the team manager and we had an extra trophy so we drove to Dunes Den to give it them. The tavern was on the second floor of a building up a steep staircase and so rundown that my dad said he ran in and out as quickly as he could!One thing that hasn’t changed from the Bad News Bears, to my childhood, to present day is the ability of parents to ruin the game for kids. Most of the kids I’ve coached have never forgotten that they’re playing a game. It’s not life or death. Whether they win or lose will have zero effect on the rest of their lives. As long as they get to go to the concession stand after the game they’re happy.Parents on the other hand…well it never hurts to remember that it’s little kids playing a game.So times have changed, but the greatness of Bad News Bears has not. The team is a collection of oddball, ne’er-do-well kids who come together under a cranky old guy. And although it contains language that would probably prevent it from receiving a PG rating today, I think every kid should see it, especially if they play Little League.And every parent should watch it as well, because the film has much to say about competitive youth sports in America, with which I mostly agree.Plus, it’s just entertaining to hear one kid say about another, “That booger-eatin’ spaz makes me want to puke.” Or to hear Buttermaker say to one of the kids, “I don’t know who the hell you are, so sit down and shutup!” Or to hear one of the kids tell Buttermaker, “Don’t give me any of your honky bullshit.”Track it down. Watch it. Think about it. And just sit back and enjoy a time when Little League coaches could pile an entire team into a convertible, and also teach one of the kids to make a decent martini.Wasn't that well-written and fun to read? You should subscribe to my blog and we'll send you an e-mail every time I write a new one. Type your email address in the box and click the "create subscription" button. My list is completely spam free, and you can opt out at any time.

IF YOU LIKED THIS POST I BET YOU'LL ALSO LIKE: The Years I Played BaseballPREVIOUS POST: Idiotic GOP Likely to Call for More Guns After Congressman Scalise is Shot at Baseball Practice

Idiotic GOP Likely to Call for More Guns After Congressman Scalise is Shot at Baseball Practice

As the House Majority Whip—part of the leadership of the Republican party in the U.S. House of Representatives (the third highest-ranking Republican, in fact)—Steve Scalise has a round-the-clock Capitol Police detail. “Good guys with guns” are available to protect him every minute of his life.Yet when a gunman opened fire on a Congressional Republican baseball practice this morning, Congressman Scalise was among the wounded. Mo Brooks (R-SC) told the New York Times that Scalise was shot in the hip near second base and then tried to drag himself to the outfield to get away from the gunman.I can already see the divergent points-of-view on how this event will be interpreted.On the one hand, you’ll have people who support the anti-gun violence movement in this country who will point out that Scalise has an A+ rating from the NRA because of his “pro-gun” stance.I’m not just anti-gun violence, I’m anti-gun. It’s horrific to me that a bunch of people can’t get together at a park to play some baseball without being shot. I don’t know Scalise, and I haven’t checked his voting record on anything but gun issues, but I can’t imagine we agree on much. But one thing we can agree on, I suspect, is that he should be able to go play baseball with a bunch of his friends without being shot.However, I can’t help but wonder how pro-gun Scalise was as he dragged himself across the outfield of that park.The pro-gun segment of the population (those whom I call gun fetishists, perhaps unfairly, but I don’t really give a damn) are, no doubt, ready to use this is an example of how a good guy with a gun will stop a bad guy with a gun.Rand Paul, a Senator from Kentucky, said on CNN that had the Capitol Police not returned fire it would have been a massacre. Then he said, “You are completely helpless. Having no self defense, and no way to get to somebody, the field was basically a killing field.”Brooks said, “It’s not easy to take when you see people around you being shot and you don’t have a weapon yourself.”Can you read the writing on the wall here?Those beholden to the ever-declining percentage of Americans who own guns, and the despicable, soulless hired guns who lobby on their behalf, are going to present this as an example of why we need to make it permissible to let everyone carry guns all the time.Let me remind you that those who cling to their guns and stroke them in loving ways that the rest of us usually reserve for living entities possessing a heartbeat, always claim that guns aren’t the problem. People are the problem. Mental illness is the problem.Which begs the question why House and Senate Republicans, along with Little Donny Trump, acted in February to repeal a measure that helped prevent mentally ill people from purchasing guns.If only every good guy had a gun. Damn, we’d be so safe! Perhaps we can begin attaching holsters to baseball gloves. That way, if some unsuspecting second baseman dives for a line drive up the middle, and is met by a barrage of bullets from lame-brained bad guy with a gun, he can just reach into his Rawlings, pull out his Smith and Wesson, and even up the score.Sounds great, doesn’t it? ‘Merica! That’s the sort of country I want to live in.Unfortunately, for Mo Brooks and Rand Paul, and the rest of their let-everyone-have-a-gun brethren—and super unfortunately for actual victims of gun violence, like Mr. Scalise—often it’s just too late.Scalise has round-the-clock protection from Capitol Police. Wednesday morning at a softball game is part of the clock, so I assume the Capitol Police were there. They must have been, Paul said they stopped a massacre. Yet even with plenty of good guys with a gun nearby, Brooks said more than 50 shots were fired.I’d like to think that having gun violence hit so close to home might cause Republicans to endorse sensible laws restricting gun ownership. I doubt that will happen though. Instead, they’ll continue the fallacy that to be truly safe everyone needs to own a gun.Which brings me back to the basic question that I always ask: Which of two worlds would be more safe, a world in which everyone owned a gun, or a world in which no one owned a gun?Wasn't that well-written and fun to read? You should subscribe to my blog and we'll send you an e-mail every time I write a new one. Type your email address in the box and click the "create subscription" button. My list is completely spam free, and you can opt out at any time.

IF YOU LIKED THIS POST I BET YOU'LL ALSO LIKE: Dear Guns,PREVIOUS POST: 'I Hope You Can Let This Go' Has Been Trump's Motto for His Entire Life

'I Hope You Can Let This Go' Has Been Trump's Motto for His Entire Life

My ten-year-old son likes to impersonate Donald Trump in a very specific manner. He’ll change his voice, and say, in the most ridiculous, flippant tone possible, “my father gave me a small loan of a million dollars.” His brother and sister laugh every time he says it.The first time I heard it, I thought he made up the quote. When I asked about it, he said, “No, Trump actually said that.” I checked. And he really did! He was speaking at a town hall-style campaign event in 2015.However, even more ridiculous than categorizing a million dollars as a “small loan,” is what Trump claimed in the preceding sentences: “My whole life really has been a “no” and I fought through it. It has not been easy for me, it has not been easy for me.”I’m sure that every American who voted for him did so because of the way he so bravely pulled himself up by his bootstraps and built something out of nothing. I mean the way he took over his mommy and daddy’s thriving company that had been around for forty-eight years…gosh, how does someone overcome something like that? It really hasn’t been easy for him.Most Trump supporters probably don’t know that he started life’s 100-meter dash with a 20-meter head start, thanks to the hard work of his father and grandmother. And, if presented with the idea that a million dollars isn’t a small loan in the eyes of the average American, I’m sure Trump would simply say, “I hope you can let this go.”Remember that phrase. It might just become his version of “I am not a crook,” a phrase so identified with a corrupt, disgraced president that hearing it brings forth a tidal wave of revulsion.“I hope you can let this go.” Those are the words Trump said to James Comey when he asked him to stop an investigation into Trump’s National Security Advisor, Michael Flynn’s, communications with the Russian Ambassador.I suspect that Trump has used that phrase often. Such as:---When he was declared fit for the military draft, and then quickly sought a medical deferment for heel spurs. (The deferment was granted.)---When the Justice Department concluded in 1973 that his business discriminated against African Americans who wanted to rent apartments.---When declaring his hotel and casino businesses bankrupt six different times.---When his first wife, Ivana, discovered his extra-marital affair.---When his mistress, Marla Maples, discovered that she, too, was disposable after six years of marriage.---When Trump University defrauded thousands of students, resulting in civil suits. Those weren’t let go. He ended up settling.---When he claimed for years, in spite of clear, official evidence to the contrary, that Barack Obama wasn’t born in America. He eventually let that go on his own, admitting that Obama was born in America.---When tapes came out in which Trump bragged about the ways he can get away with sexually assaulting women because he’s a celebrity.---When he pandered to white nationalists during the campaign, and refused to condemn the support of Ku Klux Klansman David Duke.---When he claimed that Mexico would pay for a border wall, only to have Mexico, unsurprisingly, refuse to pay.---When he openly encouraged his supporters at a campaign rally to physically assault those in the crowd who opposed him.---When he has failed to produce the evidence he claimed to have that shows three million illegal votes from the 2016 election.---When he ordered his press secretary, on the first full day of his administration, in the face of clear, convincing photographic evidence, that more people watched his inauguration in person than any inauguration in history.---When the Acting Attorney General of the United States personally informed him that his National Security Adviser had lied to the Vice President about his conversations with Russia, and thus was subject to potential blackmail by the Russians, yet he did nothing.---When several federal judges blocked the implementation of his executive order on immigration on grounds it was unconstitutional.---When he fired Comey without justification.---When he disclosed classified information to the Russian foreign minister and Russian ambassador.All of these examples show a recurring theme for Donald Trump: he’s used to getting what he wants. From birth, to that “small loan” from his father, through years of business dealings, on to a divisive presidential campaign, Donald Trump has become used to people letting things go.However, there are some things that even Donald Trump can’t get away with. Obstruction of justice is one of them. The days, weeks, and months ahead will show what consequences Trump will face if he did obstruct justice.Although, if it were up to me, I’d offer this “legendary” businessman one last deal.Resign the presidency today and we’ll let this go.Wasn't that well-written and fun to read? You should subscribe to my blog and we'll send you an e-mail every time I write a new one. Type your email address in the box and click the "create subscription" button. My list is completely spam free, and you can opt out at any time.

IF YOU LIKED THIS POST I BET YOU'LL ALSO LIKE: Fidel Castro, Like Steven Seagal, Was Hard to KillPREVIOUS POST: The Next President Will Have to Fire the F.B.I. Director, Too

The Next President Will Have to Fire the F.B.I. Director, Too

When Little Donny Trump fired the F.B.I. director, James Comey, last week, many people complained. Although the president can fire the F.B.I. director, it’s only the second time that it has happened. Bill Clinton fired William Sessions in 1993, but only after Sessions had been accused of serious ethical breaches involving personal travel and expenses.By all accounts, Comey is a stand-up guy and no one has suggested that he did anything unethical.However, he did make the mistake of forging ahead with the F.B.I. investigation of ties between the Trump campaign and/or administration and Russia. Add to that his refusal to declare his loyalty to the Egomaniac-in-Chief, and Comey’s term ended six-and-a-half years before his ten-year appointment should have concluded.Now Trump is on the hunt for a new F.B.I. director. I’m sure the first question on the job application will be “Who’s in charge?” followed by “Is Trump guilty?” Anyone who doesn’t answer those questions to Donny Boy’s liking won’t lead the F.B.I.Eventually, Trump will find some scoundrel whose own ambition will outweigh his ethics, and he’ll do anything Trump wants him to do, as long as he gets to serve as the nation’s chief law enforcement officer. It’s the governmental equivalent of Groucho Marx’s statement, “I don’t care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.” Anyone who accepts Trump’s offer to lead the F.B.I. isn’t fit to lead the F.B.I.It’s a safe bet that when this new F.B.I. director takes office, thus will begin the most shameful period in the F.B.I.’s history. We shouldn’t be surprised if the new F.B.I. director deduces that the Trump-Russia investigation is a waste of time on his or her second or third day in office, and orders it to cease.Trump has made it clear that he values loyalty over independence, so we shouldn’t expect the new F.B.I. director to possess the slightest degree of independence. He—no way Trump nominates a woman to such a post—is guaranteed to be a flim-flam man. A con-artist. Trump’s puppet. He’ll serve behind Comey’s ghost, and he’ll never forget what happened to the last guy who tried independence and integrity.One of the reasons that I really like Kirsten Gillibrand—the Senator from New York—is that she voted No on 20 out of Trump’s 22 cabinet picks who required Senate confirmation, That’s more No votes than anyone else.Gillibrand recognizes just how atrocious Trump’s cabinet is.Betsy DeVos is secretary of Education, and seems to not have a basic grasp on some of the most important educational issues of our time.Mick Mulvaney, the chair of the Office of Management and Budget, appears to support the fictional death panels that Sarah Palin said were part of Obamacare.Jeff Sessions, the Attorney General, had no problem with the KKK until he found out they smoked pot. He also supports the patently false belief that tougher sentencing will help reduce crime.Tom Price is the secretary of Health and Human Services, and he profited from selling stocks related to companies he oversaw when he was a member of the House.Scott Pruit is the administrator at the Environmental Protection Agency, and he has a long history of siding with industry over the American public.Rex Tillerson is secretary of State, a position for which he might be less qualified than any other secretary of State in history. As CEO of Exxon he had close ties to Russia, so I suppose that had something to do with his appointment.I could go on, but I suspect you catch my drift. Trump appointed a crew of idiots, nincompoops, and rascals to run the government. Perhaps our only saving grace is that all of these yahoos are appointed to terms that expire at the end of a presidential term. So as soon as Trump’s out of office, these ne’er-do-wells will follow.Except for the F.B.I. director. The ten-year term means that the person Trump appoints will serve until 2027. Unless he’s fired by the next president.And if Trump’s choices for his cabinet positions are any indication of his ability to choose reasonable, qualified leaders, then we have no reason to expect the person Donny Boy appoints to the F.B.I. to be any better.Since the F.B.I. director will be expected to lead an investigation that could result in Trump’s removal from office, or even imprisonment, then we should expect no better than a Trump Yes Man, possessing no other qualities but a profound talent for kissing Donny Boy’s ass.And the next president will have no choice but fire the F.B.I. director again.Wasn't that well-written and fun to read? You should subscribe to my blog and we'll send you an e-mail every time I write a new one. Type your email address in the box and click the "create subscription" button. My list is completely spam free, and you can opt out at any time.

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