I think I’ve figured out Donald Trump. Since his campaign began, the press, political experts, and everyday citizens haven’t understood him. He violates every political norm, seems not to understand how government works, has no concept of facts or truth, and is so self-obsessed that I’m quite sure he thinks of the world population as Donald Trump and 7 billion others.I think I’m on to him though.Donald Trump is Dory the fish from Finding Nemo its sequel, Finding Dory. Stay with me here, I’ll explain.Dory the fish—in case you’ve deprived yourself of watching both of Pixar’s fantastic movies in which she stars—is a friendly blue tang fish. Her defining characteristic is that her short-term memory is only about ten seconds. So if you met Dory you could introduce yourself, hold a brief conversation, and by the end of the conversation she wouldn’t remember who you were, or why she was talking to you.So if you imagine Donald Trump as Dory the fish, then all of a sudden his actions make perfect sense. (One exception: As I mentioned above, Dory the fish is friendly. I suspect that this part of her personality does not extend to Donny Boy. He strikes me as perhaps the most-unfriendly person in America. The only person who looks less comfortable smiling than Donny Boy is Yertle the Turtle. I mean Mitch McConnell.)As we all know, Donny Boy has an intense Twitter fetish, which I suspect stems from his inability to concentrate long enough to read more than 140 characters at a time. In his posts he often comes across as the thin-skinned, childish, shallow bully that he is. But a few of his tweets this morning helped me with my Dory the fish breakthrough.He tweeted the following, which he divided over two Tweets, since he’d just had his coffee and gingko biloba, and felt focused: ‘As a very active President with lots of things happening, it is not possibly for my surrogates to stand at podium with perfect accuracy! Maybe the best thing to do would be to cancel all future “press briefings” and hand out written responses for the sake of accuracy???’This tweet stems from the fact that Donny Boy said in an interview yesterday that he’d already decided to fire James Comey regardless of Deputy Attorney General Rod Rosenstein’s recommendation. That statement completely reverses the claim that Vice Punk, I mean President, Mike Pence, and Deputy White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders made the previous day, which was that Trump fired Comey following the recommendation of Rosenstein and Attorney General Jeff Sessions. Donny Boy said as much in his letter to Comey.He also made a veiled threat to Comey: ‘James Comey better hope that there are no “tapes” of our conversations before he starts leaking to the press!’Trump’s team can’t “stand at podium with perfect accuracy” because Donny Boy’s truth changes too much. At first I assumed that this is because he’s a con-man, a liar with no regard for the truth, who views the world and everyone in it as either an impediment to or an aide for his desires. But maybe that’s too harsh.Maybe his memory doesn’t work. If he has no recollection of anything he’s said before, then so many things make sense.He can claim that he decided to fire Comey regardless of the recommendation of others, because he forgot that he said he fired him based on their recommendation.He has to record his conversations with Comey because he’ll never remember what they talked about.He fired Comey because he listened to the tapes and remembered that Comey refused to pledge loyalty to him.He can threaten to cancel all “press briefings” (Note: Using quotation marks like he uses them implies that he doesn’t really mean the words inside the quotes. Someone should tell him that.) because he forgot that the First Amendment exists.He can say the Mexico will pay for a wall on the border because he forgot that they’re not part of the U.S.He can fail to provide evidence of massive voter fraud as he promised because he forgot that he even made the claim.He can fail to fire Michael Flynn after the Acting Attorney General informed him that he had lied to Pence, and thus could be comprised by the Russians, because he forgot that Flynn was the National Security Advisor.Also, it explains why Ellen Degeneres won’t have him on her show. She’s worried that he will supplant her character as the most famous victim of immediate memory loss.As far as I can tell there are only a handful of things that he does remember: the 2016 election, Hillary Clinton, and Rosie O’Donnell.So let’s go easy on Donny Boy. Just think of him as Dory the fish, and all of a sudden he’s not so bad. Although I’d never want Dory the fish to be President of the United States, so it’s best that Donny Boy leave office, too.But at least I understand him a little better now.Wasn't that well-written and fun to read? You should subscribe to my blog and we'll send you an e-mail every time I write a new one. Type your email address in the box and click the "create subscription" button. My list is completely spam free, and you can opt out at any time.
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