In the endless noise that we encounter on social media, it can be tough for anything to grab our attention. However, as I scrolled through Facebook yesterday the following headline piqued my interest: 6 tips from Harvard psychologists who studied what it takes to raise “good” kids.That’s the sort of click bait headline that I usually ignore, but it caught me at the right moment, so I checked it out.While none of the tips are revolutionary, and most are probably done by caring, attentive parents, reminders and reinforcements are nice.First, spend time with your kids. There’s no substitute for this. You can’t shape your kids, know your kids, or listen to your kids if you don’t spend time with them. They’re going to be adults before you know it, and when that day comes, I guarantee no caring parent has ever said, “I wish I spent less time with my kids.”Second, always tell your child what he or she means to you. Don’t assume that your kids know how important they are to you, or that you love them. Show them all the time. Tell them all the time. Even if they roll their eyes. Don’t let them doubt it.Third, show them how to resolve problems and not run away from them. Quitters never win and winners never quit. That’s basically it.Fourth, teach them how to express gratitude. There’s no secret to this. Express gratitude and they’ll learn its importance.Fifth, help them understand and cope with their negative emotions. An inability to deal with anger, shame, envy, and frustration makes it harder for kids and adults to care for others.Sixth, show them that the world outside their world is big, complex, and interesting. The more we learn about people unlike us, and places with which we’re not familiar, the less scary those people and places are, and the easier it is to identify with and be good to them.All of these tidbits seem like good advice. If every parent implemented all of them, the world would be a better place, with kinder people.However, I think one big piece of advice is missing.Late yesterday afternoon I went to the grocery store with my six-year-old daughter. If we hit every red light between here and there we live five minutes away. On the way back from the grocery store she reminded me that perhaps the most important thing that any parent can do is to listen to their kid.Over the 1.8 miles we traveled home from the store, I learned the following.As we sat a stoplight, she saw a yellow fire hydrant that had attached to it a long metal stick, with a metal flag at the end. It had fallen toward the ground. “It looks like that fire hydrant is playing…” she pauses, obviously trying to think of something. “What’s that game where you hit a ball with a long stick and try to get it into a hole?”“Golf?”“Yeah, golf. That fire hydrant looks like it’s playing golf.”I know this post is about teaching our children, but I took some pride in my daughter’s golf ignorance. As I wrote a couple of years ago, golf sucks.But I didn’t tell her that golf sucks. Instead I told her she had a good imagination, and that she was right, the hydrant did look like a golfer.“Why is it just called golf?” she wanted to know next. “With a baseball you play baseball. With a basketball you play basketball. And football. And volleyball. Why don’t you play golfball with a golf ball?” I had no answer.Then, as we turned she saw a Right Turn Only sign. “There’s another of those signs telling us which way to turn. They should take those signs down. Let us go whichever way we want!” I didn’t even want to explain the meaning of the sign.As we pulled up to the house, she had one final topic. “Every time the people on the news talk about car accidents, they seem happy. Why are they happy?” I had no answer. But that didn’t stop her questions. “Do you have to pay to be on TV?”I don’t know if she learned anything in those five minutes, but I sure did. Actually, she reminded me she’s got a good imagination, she has a unique point-of-view, and she pays attention to the world around her.By engaging with her for those few minutes, she let me into her world. It’s easy to forget that kids don’t see things the same way we do. But if we pay attention to them, and listen to them, and engage with them, then sometimes they’ll let us into their world.Those invitations become more rare as our kids get older. It’s easy to think that maybe they just distance themselves from us as they get older. But perhaps, their world just becomes more like ours.They’ll be adults soon enough. We better listen to them as kids while we still can.Wasn't that well-written and fun to read? You should subscribe to my blog and we'll send you an e-mail every time I write a new one. Type your email address in the box and click the "create subscription" button. My list is completely spam free, and you can opt out at any time.
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