My daughter graduated high school today. I’m not sure how that happened. Wasn’t it just yesterday when she wouldn’t stray more than four feet from my wife when they went to the park to play?How much time has passed since we went on that fishing field trip and she had a bloody nose the entire time? Just a few years, right?Oh…Well, I guess she was actually in first grade then, which makes it eleven years ago.Eleven years? It’s things like this for which the acronym WTF was invented.My feelings on high school graduation are mixed. On the one hand it provides an opportunity to look back at one’s childhood and sort of take stock as to how one arrived at this point.My daughter arrived at this point through a most-circuitous route. She developed friendships and lost friendships. She gained three new siblings, got used to living with me when I married her mom when she was in first grade, and maintained a close relationship with her grandparents.
She learned new things, and struggled in some subjects. She worked hard, and she was lazy. She fought with us, and came to us for advice. She tormented her siblings and played with her siblings. She embraced and then rejected every popular fad that a girl encounters as she grows up.And now that she has completed high school, she’s searching for what’s next. She’s only seventeen-years-old. She’ll be eighteen in a few weeks. I’ve often thought that it’s ridiculous to expect someone that young to know what they want to do with the rest of their life.I’m thirty-seven-years-old and I’m still not certain what I’m going to do with the rest of my life. I certainly didn’t have that sort of clarity twenty years ago.So the future for my daughter is uncertain. That’s not to say that it’s not bright. I have no doubt that she’ll find her niche and succeed. She’s a genuinely good person, fun to be around, cares about others, and is very personable, which is no small feat in a world that exceedingly seems to be filled with assholes.She’s only seventeen. Which, if you believe the actuarial tables, means that she’s got a solid sixty years left. That’s plenty of time to figure it out.Now, on the other hand, I think high school graduation is rather silly. I saw something on Facebook earlier today that showed some graduates and had the caption, “Congratulations, you just completed the easiest part of life!”That sums up how Cynical Brett feels about high school graduation. Adults at school tell kids exactly what they need to do to succeed, spoon-feed them information, provide opportunities for “extra credit” (whatever the hell that means), and then pat them on the back when they succeed.Meanwhile, adults at home just have to make sure the kids get to school. Then if the kid doesn’t learn anything the adults at home get to complain to and about the adults at school.Most of the time I tell Cynical Brett to shut the F up because no one wants to hear what he has to say. Sometimes he gets loose though. Sorry about that.Other observations on today’s graduation ceremony:--Kids love to see pictures of themselves. There were four speeches, two vocal performances, and two instrumental performances, none of which were as long as the senior class slideshow, which was set to the music of three songs. Who needs words of wisdom when you’ve got a collection of pictures from Facebook and Instagram?--It’s important that the person reading the names practices the names beforehand. It might not even hurt to ask a student how she would like her name pronounced. I’m speaking from experience. When I graduated college my name was read as Brett Barker. If you can’t get Brett Baker correct, you shouldn’t be reading names.--Some of you adults are lousy. Which part of, “Please don’t clap or cheer until all names are read,” don’t you understand? We didn’t think it was cool when you ignored the principal’s request and cheered for your kid. All we thought was, “Now we know where that kid gets his jerkiness from.”--If you’re going to put a picture and the name of each graduate on a large screen as their name is read, perhaps it would be wise to have someone carefully proofread each slide.--Moms, grandmas, girlfriends and others: please, in the name of all that is Holy, lay off the perfume. You may think you smell nice, but you put too much of that crap on. And then it mixes with the other lady sitting next to you, and the lady sitting behind me, and the grandma passing by, and I’m stuck in a vortex of fragrance deadlier than an EF5 tornado.And by the way, congrats to all the graduates. Job well done!Really. (Cynical Brett has been contained.)PREVIOUS POST: Best (Worst) High School Graduation SongsIF YOU LIKED THIS POST I BET YOU'LL ALSO LIKE: Why Are Parents so Dumb?+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
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