The title of the study is “Am I Normal?” Like almost every other academic paper ever written, it has a subtitle that describes what the study is about, but that’s boring so I’m not going to include it.No sense beating around the bush though. The study is about penis size. Human penis size to be more precise.Yes, you read that correctly. Science has finally undertaken the work to answer the age-old question “Am I Normal?” If you’re a male and you haven’t asked yourself that question, then the answer to it is, “No!”I won’t bore you with the details, but here’s a summary. The study’s authors reviewed a whole bunch of other studies in which medical professionals measured the size of a man’s penis, compiled the data, and produced a nomogram.If you’re like me, then you didn’t know that a nomogram is one of those charts that doctors use to compare the height and weight of your child to other children. “Your child is in the eighty-seventh percentile for height and the seventy-third percentile for weight.”Except this study has men looking at the Y-axis, following their number until it meets the wavy green line, and then back down to the X-axis to find their percentile.(Note: Worry not, Curious Reader. The numbers on the chart are in centimeters, not inches! Important to know that beforehand so as to avoid any heart attacks caused by disappointment upon discovering that you’re firmly planted in the first percentile.)Before you get too excited about the numbers, keep in mind that the lead author on the study is a man. So the numbers are all likely inflated by at least 20%.Now that the British Journal of Urology—there’s a journal for anything imaginable these days—has settled this question, I thought I’d propose some other questions that are in urgent need of answers. I’m no scientist, so I won’t be of any help, but I do like asking questions.
Does size matter? This is obviously the corollary to the “Am I Normal?” question. I’m not certain that science will be able to come to a definitive answer to this question. However, I think it’s safe to say that the answer is either Yes or No. You’re welcome, science. I’ve just eliminated billions of other possibilities.Do blondes have more fun? I don’t know why people think this is true. I suspect it’s to compensate for all the blonde jokes. “We may be dumb, but at least we have fun!” By the way, I don’t think blondes are dumb. I do sometimes think blonde jokes are funny though.Do gentlemen prefer blondes? This is a tough one. It all depends on the definition of gentlemen, and the definition of prefer. Hell, it probably depends on the definition of blondes as well. Good luck answering this one, science.Are you listening to me? I think I already know the answer to this one, but science must have something to say about it. In case they don’t get around to it though, let me tell you that if you’re talking to someone and you have to ask them that question, the answer is no.Why do women…? Science may attempt to answer such a question, but chances are that at least one of the scientists will be a man. And men are too dumb to know why women do anything. So we’re just going to have to wait until we get more women scientists.Why do men…? This question is unanswerable, too. We’ll never move forward as a species until we accept that almost everything that a man does has no explanation. Save yourself for other questions, science. This one will lead you down the rabbit hole, never to return.What goes on when women go to the bathroom together? Women are like the Freemasons when it comes to this. At least that’s what men think. It’s all a big secret. Why can’t they just tell us what they’re doing in there and why they go together? We could try to answer this question without science, but I’m sure there are Peeping Tom laws against it.Get to work, Science! We’re all counting on you. Don’t let us down.PREVIOUS POST: I Failed at No Sweets FebruaryIF YOU LIKED THIS POST I BET YOU'LL ALSO LIKE: In Online Dating, Beware of Ax Murderers+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++Hey, did you like reading this? If so, you should Share it on Facebook so you can bring joy to others. You can also find tons of other posts by me here. And you can like my Facebook page, Brett Baker Writes. Please.
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