My daughter is four years old. She’s cute as a button with long, curly hair. She’s so cute that Chinese tourists have taken her picture on three different occasions, including once in front of Abe Lincoln’s statue at the top of his memorial in DC.
Yesterday she decided to cut her hair. By herself. With scissors. And no supervision. This might have been what she was thinking.I’m just learning how to write my letters. It’s hard enough, but how am I supposed to write if I can’t even see the paper? Dad tells me, “The P goes on the other side of the E in the word pepper.” Easy for you to say, dad. With this hair in my face it’s like I’m writing with my eyes closed.I’ll just brush it back behind my ear. Ahh, that’s better. Now, what did he say comes after P?Shit, this hair! I just put it behind my ear and now it’s in front of my eyes again. That’s it. I’ve had enough. Where are those scissors one of the boys had earlier?Uh-oh, I better wait until dad leaves the room. If he sees me trying to cut my hair, he’s probably going to take the scissors away from me. Then I’ll for sure be stuck with this hair in my face.That’s what happens when daddy gives me a shower. If mommy gave me a shower she would have known to pull my hair back after I got out. Especially if I’m doing homework at the table. Oh well, I guess I shouldn’t complain, too much. At least he remembered to wash the shampoo out this time. And he even used conditioner!But really, would it kill him to pull it back for me? Maybe I’ll just ask him.No, never mind. I want to use those scissors.Oh, there he goes! I probably only have a couple of minutes. I better hurry. Where are those scissors?Ah-ha! There they are. I better go under the kitchen table. That way if anyone comes in they won’t see me. Don’t knock into the chair. They might come in if they hear the chair squeak.Okay, let’s see. How much should I take off? This is the side that’s annoying me. How much can I cut off before it’s boy hair? Wait a minute, if I have boy hair, that doesn’t mean that I’m a boy, does it?I better just cut off the part that’s annoying me. Yeah, that’s probably about right. I’ll hold it with this hand, reach up, and…that was easy. Those scissors went right through it. I’m glad mom’s been working with me on how to cut things. I had no idea it would come in handy so soon!Dad’s not back yet. I can probably get back into my chair before he even knows I’m gone.Yes, I made it. And right on cue, here’s dad. “Daddy, how do you spell apple?”He won’t notice a thing. I could probably stand right in front of him and he wouldn’t notice. I better not try it though.Wait a minute, what happened to the hair I cut off? There it is, right under the table, in a nice, neat pile. I don’t think anyone will notice that.*******I think I’m home-free. It’s been like a hundred years since I cut my hair and no one has noticed. Maybe if I go to bed to night, Buddy (the Elf on the Shelf) will clean it up and mom will never find out.All right, she’s going to work and she just kissed me and didn’t even notice that part of my hair is missing. I’m the best hair cutter ever. Who’s Vidal Sassoon? It seems like a name I should know.There she goes, a kiss for dad and then she’s out of here. See you lat…Wait, what did she say? “Is that a wig under the table?” Who would put a wig under the table? That’s not where wigs go. That’s where cut hair goes.Uh-oh. “Did I cut my hair?” What kind of a question is that? Why would a four-year-old cut her hair? Isn’t the better question why did my dad let me cut my hair? He should have been watching me better. That’s what he gets for leaving the room.“It was in the way, and I didn’t like it, so I cut it off.” Great, now I have to go to my room. She always says, “Tell the truth,” so I tell the truth, and now I have to go to my room. I’m going to cry. In my bed. Under the covers. With Baby Elsa.*******Did he just say that it was sort of funny? Who’s on the phone anyway? Oh, I bet mom’s on her way to work. He’s laughing. No way would he be laughing if mommy wasn’t laughing.See, I knew it was a good idea!Read about these events from an objective point-of-view here.PREVIOUS POST: Forget French Toast Crunch, Bring Back Subway's U-GougeIF YOU LIKED THIS POST I BET YOU'LL ALSO LIKE: How to Make Sure your Kids Aren't Jerks+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++Hey, did you like reading this? If so, you should Share it on Facebook so you can bring joy to others. You can also find tons of other posts baked up fresh by me here. And you can like my Facebook page, Brett Baker Writes. Please.
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