I like to think that I’m a smart guy. I mean, I’m no Einstein (as in Albert), but I’m also no Epstein (as in Juan, a Sweathog on Welcome Back, Kotter). On the stupid/smart continuum I think I lean a couple of notches toward smart.However, there are a few things that I refuse to learn.Okay, maybe refuse isn’t the right word. It’s not that I refuse to learn these things, it’s that I can’t learn them. No matter how hard I try, no matter how many examples I have, I just don’t grasp the concept.Now, I’m not talking about difficult stuff here, like Japanese, or quantum mechanics, or why the Cubs can’t get a two-out hit.I’m talking about normal, everyday stuff that most people appear to have figured out, but that I have a tough time with.Actually, when I put it that way, maybe it isn’t that I can’t learn. Maybe I do just refuse to learn. That’s stubborn of me.(No it’s not!)For example, I like to cook, and I’m pretty decent at it. The stuff I make tastes good most of the time, but every now and then I make something so horrific that I have to make myself choke it down. (God forbid I waste a morsel of food, even if it does taste worse than those bits I scoop up from the kitchen drain!)And usually the culprit of such culinary ineptitude is the stove. Or more accurately, the flame.No one has yet succeeded in explaining to me why I can’t cook something at twice the heat in half the time. If I can cook a burger in 6 minutes at 300 degrees, then shouldn’t I be able to cook the same burger in 3 minutes at 600 degrees? Simple mathematics says yes, but the wiseguy who controls meat doneness says it doesn’t work that way.If I can write those words, then why can’t I turn the flame down, wait a few minutes, and end up with a good burger? (That’s not a rhetorical question. I really want to know why I ignore my experience!)Example number two is time-related also. If I have to be somewhere at two o’clock, and I know it takes twenty-five minutes to get there if there’s absolutely no traffic, then why do I always assume there will be no traffic and leave at 1:35, only to end up arriving ten minutes late?I think that has to do with my general perversion of time, which manifests itself in a variety of ways.If there’s a household project, I’ll evaluate what needs to be done, figure out how to do it, and then come to a conclusion as to how long it will take to complete said project. It will inevitably take longer than I thought, yet when it’s done I’m actually surprised that it took so long.“Wow, I really thought I could paint that entire room in 90 minutes. I can’t believe it took the entire day.” I should believe it, especially since it probably took me all day to paint the damn thing the last time I did it!Perhaps the most maddening thing that I’m slow to learn is the relationship between a low fuel gauge on my car, and running out of gas. I’ve written about this before. I understand there’s a problem. But still, I continue to push the out-of-gas boundary.(Although, in my defense, I will say that I have running out of gas down to a science. The past three times I’ve run out of gas I’ve actually made it to a gas station. So there’s that.)So to what do I attribute my inability to learn these simple lessons? If I have obvious evidence pointing me in a direction, then why can’t I bring myself to act on that evidence?I’ve spent a lot of time pondering that question, and the conclusion I’ve come to is that I’m asking the wrong question. I shouldn’t be asking, “Why can’t I learn this or that?” The better question is “How the hell did I learn anything at all?”Your guess is as good as mine.In fact, it’s probably better.By the way, if you like what you're reading here, you should like my Facebook page, Brett Baker Writes.You should subscribe to this blog, don't you think? That way you'll never forget to come back. Forgetting is bad. So why don't you just type your email address in the box and click the "create subscription" button. I'm not going to send you a bunch of junk, and you can ditch me any time you want.