There’s plenty to hate about Facebook and all of the people who use it. Like me. But recently I’ve been enraged at the number of posts foreshadowing the arrival of fall. Autumn. The stupid season after this one.If you don’t know what I’m talking about, then either you’re not spending enough time on Facebook or you’re the only person who has managed to avoid having even just one of these summer hating friends. I commend you on both counts.I have a few of these people among my “friends.” (Unrelated diatribe: Is there any word on the planet used more loosely than the way we use the word friends on Facebook? No. I sense a future blog post brewing.)For some reason, these people aren’t content with summer. As they obnoxiously remind us, they’re looking forward to bonfires, apple cider, jumping in the leaves, and wearing sweatshirts. Hoofrickin’ray.
Not to rain on your parade—Good luck enjoying those raw, drenching October rains by the way—but you’re going to stink like smoke after sitting around a bonfire all night. And apple cider is the quintessential example of something that we always think tastes better than it actually does. And newsflash: you’ve got to rake all those damn leaves before you can jump in them. And sweatshirts? Well I can’t think of anything bad to say about sweatshirts, but I’m sure I’m forgetting something.Fair warning: I reserve the right to punch anyone who sings the praises of pumpkin flavored anything. Pumpkin spice latte. Pumpkin beer. Pumpkin bread. It’s just not that good. Stop pretending that it is! Just admit that you’re too lazy to put in the effort to make a good pumpkin pie so you’re looking for a shortcut.Why did the Pilgrims and the Native Americans have pumpkin pie at the first Thanksgiving and not pumpkin spice lattes? Because pumpkin pie is the real thing, and they were keeping it real back in Mayflower days.But fall’s biggest problem is related to what follows it.Winter!Disgusting. Cold, gray, dark, uncomfortable, dead, dry, lifeless winter.All of you people who are complaining that it’s too hot and you can’t wait for cooler weather and the leaves changing are really going to be kicking yourselves in a few months when you’re freezing your butt off and every damn leaf has fallen off of every damn tree.Stop being so shortsighted autumnphiles. There’s three months of grotesque weather at the end of the season you love so much. You might have forgotten, but I haven’t.Stop rushing through summer. It goes by fast enough without people like you constantly wishing it away. Don’t propel all of us toward winter’s suffering just because you’ve forgotten to appreciate green grass, cicadas, and going outside without layers of clothing.At some point I developed a rule that I do not wear a jacket before October 1. It’s my own small way of defying the arrival of fall. I end up with some chilly mornings at the end of September, but the warmth of extending summer in my own mind is enough for me. And this year my No Jacket rule serves double duty as a counter measure to those people who are all too eager to put another summer in the rearview mirror.We’ve got a couple of more weeks before the end of summer. Just because the kids are back in school doesn’t mean we have to give up the fight. Temperatures are still in the eighties, and I heard two magical words on the weather forecast for today: heat index!So keep those damn sweatshirts in the closet, and drink a lemonade. It’s still summertime. Embrace it. You’ll be happy you did. Four months from today, when you’re hoping for the temperature to reach double digits, and you almost fall on a patch of ice, and the forecast calls for another four inches of snow, you’ll be longing for a day like today.And I have to confess, there are a few things I like about fall. Apple picking. Halloween. Thanksgiving. My daughter’s birthday. Baseball playoffs.But every year, on the first day of fall, I have the same thought: only six more months until spring!IF YOU LIKED THIS POST I BET YOU'LL ALSO LIKE: Why Winter SucksPREVIOUS POST: What If You Get a Second Chance?