Years before I began making bad decisions about food in restaurants, such as eating buffalo wings from a stranger’s plate, I made a bad decision about some food in a grocery store where I worked during high school.I worked most evenings, and one night I hung around for a little bit after we closed at ten o’clock to talk to a friend who was working overnight stocking shelves. Part of the store closing duties entailed covering some items in the produce department, and my friend and I talked while I completed the final tasks of the night.Then, for no reason other than to shock my friend, and maybe gross him out, I grabbed a whole head of garlic and took a huge bite out of it, skin and all. I chewed it for a few seconds, ignoring the almost-intolerable stench and burn, until he was properly grossed out, and then I spit it out.The next morning when my mom came in to wake me up for school, she said something like, “What on earth stinks in here?” Even in my groggy, half-asleep state, I knew that my room reeked of garlic.When I drove to my friend’s house to pick him up for school, he got in my car and asked, “What the hell smells?” Later that day in English class, another friend asked why I smelled like garlic. She had to move her desk away from mine when we were working together because she couldn’t stand the smell.
Apparently, no matter how many times you brush your teeth, you can’t get the smell of garlic out of your mouth, your body, your pores, until it’s ready to come out.And despite that assault upon the olfactory systems of everyone who came in contact with me that day, I can still say with confidence that I smelled better than many people who drown themselves in perfume or cologne.This is a public service announcement: For the love of God, ease up on the perfume and cologne. The phrase “less is more” was invented for the application of perfume and cologne.Your Eau de Whatever should be a complement to your appearance and personality. You want people to know your name. You don’t want to be known as “the stinky perfume lady.”Think spritz, not firehose.Do most people you come in contact with sneeze soon after you arrive? If so, it’s because of the three gallons of Elizabeth Taylor perfume you put on before you left the house.I have no proof, but I’d bet that wearing so much perfume makes you a fire hazard. Surely there has to be a story about some poor woman who wore too much perfume and then had to stop, drop and roll after she touched a doorknob and static electricity caused an inferno.Don’t let it happen to you.Also, keep in mind the other scents you’ve already employed. If you wash your hair with one strong scent, and use body lotion that’s another strong scent, and then drench a strong perfume on top of that, you’re just asking for trouble. I mean, I like peanut butter and I like mustard, but I’m not dumb enough to make a peanut butter and mustard sandwich. Two rights can definitely make a wrong.Now on to the hard part. When is enough enough? Or when is enough too much?If you can smell it on yourself, it’s probably too much. If you leave a room and ten minutes later someone else walks into the room and says, “Oh, Bertha was here,” it’s probably too much.If you leave a trail of dead animals in your wake, it’s probably too much. If you suffer from extreme sunburn because you’ve destroyed all of the ozone around you, it’s probably too much. If your clothes have developed holes in them from the perfume eating away at the fabric, it’s probably too much.If the woman at the perfume counter at Macy’s knows your name, it’s probably too much. If you’ve ever said, “Just one more spray,” it’s probably too much. If you’ve ever found an empty bottle in your room and thought, “I just bought that,” it’s probably too much.Take it from a guy who used to bathe in Drakkar Noir, ease up. You’ll be happy you did.But not as happy as everyone around you!PREVIOUS POST: Indiana's Sunday Alcohol Ban Should EndIF YOU LIKED THIS POST I BET YOU'LL ALSO LIKE: A Breakup Letter to my First Car+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
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