Dear Georgie,You remind me of Jason from those Friday the 13th films. As far as I know you haven’t had an axe bashed into your head, or been tied to a boulder on the bed of a lake, or frozen to death in a cryonics chamber, or even been killed in a setup by the FBI like that fictional madman.However, like Jason Vorhees, every time I think you’re gone, you show up again. And frankly, I’d rather hear more from Jason in his hockey mask than from you.As the most prominent hero of the “There Are Bad People Who Don’t Look Like You and Are Just Waiting to Do You Harm So You Better Protect Yourself and Everyone Around You” group, I’m sure many people are quite psyched about the new 13-minute interview your lawyers at 18884mydivorce.com (I’m not making that up!) just released.It’s clear that you fancy yourself as some sort of modern-day Wyatt Earp, and from listening to your interview it seems that you might have delusions of becoming Clarence Darrow (he was a famous lawyer, Georgie), too.
During your interview you say that President Obama directed “the Department of Justice to pursue a baseless prosecution” which “overstretched, overreached, even broke the law in certain aspects to where you have an innocent American being prosecuted by the federal government which should never happen.”Newsflash, Georgie: Innocent people are prosecuted and investigated all the time. In fact, everyone ever investigated or prosecuted is innocent. There’s a legal principle in America known as presumption of innocence, you know, “innocent until proven guilty.” Not until after the investigation and prosecution is anyone guilty.I’d think you—perhaps more than anyone else in the entire country—would understand how someone completely innocent can be suspected of wrong doing. Just be thankful that all you had to deal with was a trial and maybe some tough words directed at you. At least no one followed you at night, frightened you, and then killed you.I’m not surprised that you’re not a fan of President Obama. Sixty-three million people voted for someone other than him in the last election, so obviously a lot of people don’t like him.What I am surprised at though is how you accuse him of inflaming racial tensions right after you refer to him as Barack Hussein Obama. Although Hussein is the president’s actual middle name, it’s been used ever since he started running for president by those who like to insinuate that he’s something other than American, or other than Christian, or maybe just other.I’m sure you knew that though, didn’t you Georgie? In fact, like most other people who include the president’s middle name, I’m sure you intended it as a wink-of-the-eye acknowledgement to other like-minded imbeciles.And before you breakout the, “Well it’s his middle name!” defense, let me remind you that even John McCain in 2008 knew what it implied and repudiated its usage.I’m having a difficult time choosing my favorite part of your interview though.Is it the part where you invoke Anne Frank and claim to “believe that people are truly good at heart?” (Except for when they’re walking down the street, apparently. Then they’re suspicious.)Or maybe it’s when you say that the President should have “been an example, been a leader as the president should be and say lets not rush to judgment.”You seem to have forgotten what the President actually said: “And I think every parent in America should be able to understand why it is absolutely imperative that we investigate every aspect of this, and that everybody pulls together -- federal, state and local -- to figure out exactly how this tragedy happened.”And, “I think all of us have to do some soul searching to figure out how does something like this happen. And that means that examine the laws and the context for what happened, as well as the specifics of the incident.”Does any of that imply rushing to judgment, Georgie?Choosing my favorite part of the interview is as hard as choosing my favorite of your run-ins with the police since you became infamous.There’s the time you threatened your estranged wife and her father with a gun. And the time you pointed a shotgun at your girlfriend and started breaking her belongings. Oh, and don’t forget the time you threatened to kill another guy in a road rage incident. And when you threw a wine bottle at your ex-girlfriend.Man, Georgie, all of these run-ins with law enforcement, you must be the unluckiest person in America.Well, except for anyone who ever comes in contact with you.PREVIOUS POST: Hey Idiots, Thanks for Ruining my NCAA BracketIF YOU LIKED THIS POST I BET YOU'LL ALSO LIKE: Dear Guns,+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
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